so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
