I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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