I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
