oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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