just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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