so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
When are your genitals available?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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