i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
