Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
