please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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