update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
