I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
