Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i believe in u and ur pee
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
