Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
