Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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