We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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