That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
