Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm having to shit out rocks
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize