You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
