i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
