he wants to bone in the snuggie
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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