Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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