Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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