if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
