I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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