dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize