Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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