just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm bleeding and have questions
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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