I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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