When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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