I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
