so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
