So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize