We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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