Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
