All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
