Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
