Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
In America we eat man semen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
