My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
