Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
