I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
