its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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