Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
