Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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