Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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