the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
