Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
