i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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