had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
