At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
