Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
