it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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