I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
