I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
