I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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