it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
