no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
