I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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