she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
