I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
