The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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