dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
