I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize