How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
