Will you blow on my dice?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
