So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
