3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
