Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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