I hate your face
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just found a bag of teeth...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
