Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just invented taco cereal.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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