doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
