moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
