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ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
