this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
