drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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