and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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