Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
