You made me cry and you don't even care
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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