Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
