if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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