i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
