Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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