"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
