did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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