just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
