I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
