At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
