I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
