I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
