Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
