We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
