We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You were trust falling into bushes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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