He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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