i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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