and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
