I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
