Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
