He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
