I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
