You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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