Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
